It has been months since I last went to church. I remember stopping because I felt like God has abandoned me. I felt like the whole world’s burden was upon me. In the duration that I turned away from Him, a lot of things happened. Bad things. You could say it was due to the lack of guidance, which resulted to bad decisions.
Today I decided to give it another try (with the help of my husband). I’ve noticed that I’ve been so depressed that I would isolate myself from everyone and sadly, purposely hurt myself. I would often start fights with Daddy A as well and blame him for making our lives miserable. It was all his fault, I thought. If only he was able to stay away from temptation, we would have been happier. Despite all my madness, my husband stayed by my side. He eventually persuaded me to attend church again.
God is amazing. Would you believe that the topic discussed was: How to Overcome Depression. Boom! That’s exactly the kind of talk I needed. “Although you may sometimes feel that a problem is bigger than you, always know that God is bigger than anything,” the pastor said. I was literally holding back my tears throughout the discussion. I felt like it was so stupid of me to think that God abandoned me. He was there the whole time, I just didn’t recognize His presence. He’s been trying to heal me, I just denied His healing hand.
I finally came back to God. It feels good. It feels refreshing. I know it’s a long way for me, but I also know that one day, I will overcome my anger and fear. And that one day, I will be ready to trust again… to love without doubt.
After the worship, Daddy A hugged me. I never felt so light before, so happy. He said he was at the verge of crying during the discussion and I smiled. I was almost in tears, too. “I love you, tandaan mo yan,” he said. For the first time in months, I didn’t doubt his words.
Thank you Lord for helping me through! With YOU, I can overcome anything.