It’s only half past 9 in the morning as I write this and I am already swamped. I woke up a little before 7, prepared breakfast and had it with Daddy A and The Minis. In the middle of our meal, I noticed The Little Man playing with clay-like stuff, which I later on realized was his poop. That definitely destroyed everyone’s appetite… except The Princess’. She thinks it’s funny every time her brother does that.
After giving the Little Man a bath, Daddy A went to work so I had to do the rest of the cleaning. While I was busy mopping the floor and making sure there was no poop left (I swear, The Little Man has an obsession with poop! It’s just crazy!), I realized that The Minis were very quiet. That only means one thing: they’re doing something I won’t like. True enough, I found them under the table swimming in a pool of chocolate milk! There was milk all over the place — on the floor, on the walls, on our dining table.
I was already cursing in my head. “Why did you do that?!” I asked her angrily. I have so much pending work — the overflowing baskets of laundry, the pile of dirty dishes on the sink, my online projects that have accumulated over the holidays. I have so much work and here are my kids adding more. Why are they doing this to me? Why can’t they behave even just for today? Why can’t they just let me finish my work?
Work. Work. Work. All I was thinking about was online work and house chores without realizing that my most important work is really to be with my little ones; to be their mommy.
I am a work at home mom! I chose to work at home because of my kids… not because I just wanted to work and earn money from home. I feel bad because when I started working from home and decided not to hire house help, I promised to make The Minis my top priority. Then here I am, asking The Minis to leave me be just for a few minutes so I can work on other things.
“Sorry Mommy!” The Princess said while watching me clean all the mess they made. She really has grown up. She is now aware when she makes mistakes and apologizes for those mistakes. She pointed to her heart then asked me to kiss it. I felt even worse. She would ask me to kiss her knee when she scratches it or her hand when she hurts it. So when she asked me to kiss her heart, I really felt awful. I kissed her chest, then her forehead. I hugged her real tight and apologized for raising my voice.
I will consider what happened today as a reminder of my duty as a mother. I don’t want my children to remember me as a kill joy mom who would spend hours in front of the laptop or doing the laundry and raise her voice at every mess they make. I want The Minis to remember me as a loving mom who is always with them; who would understand the mess, the noise and the poop-playing obsession.
To My Minis,
If one day you read this, remember that Mommy loves both of you. I’m sorry for the times that I raised my voice, the times when I would walk out because I couldn’t take all the whining and crying. Mommy isn’t perfect, but I am trying to be the best mom for you.